I look down at my feet covered in thick mud. I look up to the sky dark with clouds. Where do I go from here?
Yesterday I ran with such swiftness through fields of flowers in the bright sunlight. I held high the grand promises of life in my hands.
Today those assurances have become to me like melted wax through my fingers. Dripping down and drying over my toes, sinking them further into mushy ground. Haven’t I been this way multiple times before?
The pain I cannot escape pursues me viciously. Things seem better but why do I feel the same? I cry out, “Please give me the faith and strength to carry on.”
I’ve heard it repeatedly, to praise and have faith in the storms. To look up, keeping eyes heavenward, even when all circumstances seem contrary to promises received and believed.
I wrestle with my thoughts. Can I really believe and have faith when my feelings don’t align? This unsolved reality continues to rip apart my heart.
Why is it so hard to trust in the unseen? Why can’t I believe beyond my senses? Timely truth grips me hard as I read – it’s as if I’ve become awakened from a bad dream……
“You will never learn faith in comfortable surroundings. God gives us His promises in a quiet hour, seals our covenants with great and gracious words, and then steps back, waiting to see how much we believe. He then allows the Tempter to come, and the ensuing test seems to contradict all that He has spoken. This is when faith wins its crown. This is the time to look up through the storm, and among the trembling, frightened sailors declare, ‘I have faith in God that it will happen just as he told me.’ ” -Acts 27:25 (from Streams in the Desert, p. 18)
“Faith is not a sense, nor sight, nor reason, but simply taking God at His word.” –Christmas Evans
“The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety.” –George Mueller
This Hosea verse has been enticing me for days now and I think it can bring some purpose to this struggle, “Then they will seek My face; in their affliction [misery] they will earnestly seek Me.” (Hosea 5:15) The word earnest jumped out at me, and as I looked up its definition, what I found was interesting. Earnest is to be fervent, purposeful, determined, implies having qualities of depth and firmness, serious, sincere, resolute, ambitious, implies depth and being steadily and soberly eager in pursuing it, serious and thoughtful, suggests genuineness, trustworthiness and absence of superficiality.
Bizarrely encouraging, is it not? Between that definition and the writing excerpt above, starts to light a fire in you to carry on, doesn’t it? And not just carry on, but move into a place of such intense faith, beyond emotion, that you start to come into the intended role of being more than a conqueror through Him who loves us.
“O My children, what do you need today? Is it comfort? Is it courage? Is it healing? Is it guidance? Behold, I assure you, whatever it is you need, if you will look to Me, I will supply.” (Come Away Beloved, p. 60)
He will lead us to higher ground. I’m trying to be faithful with little, to be faithful with much.